Thursday, July 18, 2013
Yep, no title. I am just irritated.
I reactivated my ActiveLink and now I can't track my activity points because it will do it for me. Of course, this first week it doesn't TRACK a bleepin' thing. This is the week that it uses to set the goals for the next 12 weeks.
I am just irritated by this. Really out of proportion to the situation, but there you have it. It's always the little things that make you want to slap someone. It isn't the big boulder in the path that trips you up. It is the pebble that you "didn't see". I am still going to my water aerobics and doing my walking and this weekend riding my bike, but if I had the tech/programmer in front of me who created this, I would slap her/him silly. It's a good thing that I have no idea who it was.
Okay, I am off the ledge.
May all of us have blessed days and weeks. May the rest of the month be on point and may we all see less of each other in the future.
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
"There is no secret." This is what the doctor tells Addie Downs, in Jennifer Weiner's book, Best Friends Forever, when she wants to lose weight. I knew this before I read the book, but that quote has become one of my favorites for everything in life. I even put it up over my bedroom door and I read it to myself every night and every morning. You would think that with those words, "There is no secret," staring me in the face each and every day that I would have simply accepted them as the truth by now.
But I didn't.
I've spent the last several months searching for a secret way to lose weight and still eat four scones a day. There isn't one. I've searched for a secret way to really eat whatever I want like an entire medium pepperoni and sausage pizza and still lose weight. Again, there is no secret.
I am back here at Weight Watchers because there is no secret. Weight loss happens when you follow program - all of it. Less calories in, more calories burned and using the healthy eating guidelines to make sure that the calories eaten are for the best.
I am back from my search for the fountain of skinny. I know that the only way to be thinner is to follow program. I'll be tracking, weighing, measuring and moving. There are 30 weeks left in the year and if I lose an average of 1 1/2 pounds a week, then I can lose forty five pounds by New Year's Eve. A definite goal worth aiming for. I also have a conference at the end of July. Between now and then there are 7 weeks and I should be able to hit my 5% loss by the day the conference starts. It's what I am aiming for.
I am leaving the fantasy of magically becoming thin and embracing the work that has to be done. "There is no secret," but with Weight Watchers I do have a program.
(The link above will take you to Barnes and Noble and off the WW site. Also, the picture is titled Door_secret_garden. Can you tell that I am a reader?)
My weight loss
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Okay, one of the blogs that I follow in the outside world is Kristen Lamb's and today she posted for a blogfest. Here's her post Beauty of a Woman Blogfest–Making Peace with My Thunder Thighs and the start of the Blogfest is here Beauty of a Woman BlogFest from August MacLaughlin. The point of the post was to write a story/poem/essay in the theme of the poem The Beauty of a Woman by Sam Levinson
Go ahead and read the poem and then come on back. This is my story and my revelation.
Last night I went to a "hip hop" aerobics class at the gym. It's called "Groovalicious". I hipped and hopped and to the best of my ability followed the choreography. Oddly, the class made the torn/strained whatever in my abdomen feel better. Today my arms hurt as if I lifted weights and none were involved. I experienced the class through a miasma of my body dysmorphic disorder. I stared at my body in the mirror and it seemed to shrink and stretch horizontally. My body started to feel heavier to me as if the weight had increased. I stayed for the whole class and got quite a few AP.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder is is a type of chronic mental illness in which you can't stop thinking about a flaw with your appearance — a flaw that is either minor or imagined. It can and frequently does lead to plastic surgery.
I have never been clinically diagnosed with this disease, but in its mildest forms I think most women have it to degrees. We don't see the beauty of our eyes for the fault of the wrinkles. We don't see the beauty of our thighs for the fault of the dimples. We see our beauty through the lens of severe criticism and then we build our shame and fear and we hide from the world and ourselves.
Last night at the gym was strange. I can't say that I enjoyed the class. I tried to, but my brain was to busy beating myself up for the carnival reflection I "saw" of my body. I stayed in the class and I will be going back. In fact tonight I am going to go to the Zumba class. Tonight I am going to repeat Maya Angelou's poem Phenomenal Woman if the "ugly reflection" starts again.
"It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
So, from a moment of body dysmorphia, I am rising and learning to love my body now as it is. I can move and do whatever I want still. I will be stronger next week than I am this week. I will release the extra weight and become the healthiest version of me that I can be. I may still have carnival mirror moments, but I am going to toss them away for the lies that they are because, "I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that's me."
Do you have a story about your beauty or an awakening that you have had? Please share it and post a link in comments so that I can come and read about your journey, too.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
until it works and this becomes my lifestyle.
I wasn't planning on doing a blog post again, but then it called out to me and I decided it was time.
You know the food portion of plan isn't always the challenge for me. In fact, I can follow program with some ease although I do have to keep using my measuring tools because I am better at growing the size of a cup than keeping it to its actual size.
No, my challenge is activity points. Right now I am doing well, but this isn't something that comes naturally to me. To keep movement in my day; to move more; to lift weights. I know other people enjoy it and learn to love it, but I don't and haven't ever learned to love it.
This past December I read Younger Next Year* for Women and it puts the importance of exercise into fairly easy to understand terms. Medically speaking most of us will be living into our 80's and 90's. We can choose to be frail elderly people or we can choose to be healthy elderly people. We will be elderly no matter what, but how we live is up to us.
I've decided that there is no way that I want to be frail and elderly. I want to be curmudgeonly. I want to chase young people from my beach area in front of my Caribbean home. I don't want to be one of the hundreds of thousands of elderly who break their hips each year (in 2003 there were 345,000 cases).
Here are some scary statistics:
Only 25 percent of hip fracture patients will make a full recovery; 24 percent of those over age 50 will die within 12 months; [of the remaining 50%] 40 percent will require nursing home care; and 50 percent will need a cane or walker.
The cost of hip fracture care averages $26,912 per patient.
Oh and a couple of more. "Women have two to three times as many hip fractures as men." and "The risk of hip fracture for women 5'8" or taller is twice that of women who are under 5'2"." (I'm 5'11" - at least for now).
According to Younger Next Year there is a correlation between strength training and nerve development that means as you age you will be less likely to fall when you trip. We all trip, but right now we are able to catch ourselves, in essence "save ourselves". This ability lessens as we age unless we do strength training.
The book advocates working out 6 days a week with 2 days of strength training. This is my goal and I will be hitting it within the next month or two.
There is no secret to any of this. The only answer is my dedication and yours. We can choose to make wrong food choices. We can choose to eat " **** " rather than healthy whole foods. We can choose to sit and watch television. We can choose to do no more than walk. All of our choices will lead to our future.
The only question is what I and you want our future to be. Frail and elderly? Or vital, curmudgeonly and elderly? Okay some of you might choose to be nice and kind, but I think once I make it to elderly, I am going to enjoy being a curmudgeon.
Here's a link for Exercise for Seniors and here's a link for broken hip statistics.
I'm working out to lose weight now and to be a vital elder tomorrow.
Monday, March 07, 2011
`To talk of many things:
Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing-wax --
Of cabbages -- and kings --
And why the sea is boiling hot --
And whether pigs have wings.'"
~Lewis Carroll from The Walrus and the Carpenter
As I ruminated on my current plateau, the words of the Walrus kept flitting through my head. It very well may be because the thought as I weighed in yesterday was, "Pigs will fly before I lose the weight." I knew then that I had to write about my current plateau and what I think a plateau offers me on my life explorations. What a plateau offers all of us moving forward.
A few weeks ago I suddenly dropped 3 lbs. It freaked me out. (Happy? Yes, but a Little Dismayed, Too.) The following week brought no loss. The week after that I gained a pound. This week I lost a half a pound. Between the three pound loss and going into the 100's, my fear based "fat-self" brought easy weight loss to a screaming halt and I've been on this plateau since.
On this plateau I realized that being thinner, more beautiful, more successful throws me into a state of utter panic. If I become my true divine self, then there is no reason for not reaching all of my dreams. If I let my true divine self shine through, there will be no excuse. I am still working out what I need an excuse for. I embrace that fear is no way to live my life.
The physical expression of the true me has less weight anchoring it, dragging it, protecting it. I imagine divine light dissolving the physical representation of me created from dwelling in fear rather than love. I see the true me growing in my mind, and I now remember that as I think, I manifest. This plateau has allowed me a moment of rest to reflect on all of this.
And that is what a plateau brings to each of us on our explorations. Plateaus offer us a chance to reflect on our successes and review lessons learned from attempts that "failed". Those are just as important as the successes. The "failures" teach us what doesn't work and bring us that much closer to what does work.
A plateau gives us a chance to breathe, reflect and to plan. These are the times when we can look at the summit or the next leg of the journey, and plan the ascent or path. Others have gone before us and we know that some paths are easier than others. We sit on a plateau and make choices on how to move forward without being in a crisis moment in the ice cream aisle or at a work pot luck or at a bar with friends.
A plateau allows us to reflect on the importance of ourselves to ourselves. It gives us the opportunity to embrace where we are and acknowledge our success in getting here, to this point. We can look out over the desert we have already crossed and know that the desert in front of us can be traversed, too. These are the gifts of a plateau. Perhaps if you are on one of your own, it may be time to rest, reflect and plan rather than struggle against it.
I am not suggesting that you set up camp on it. I am suggesting that you use it as another tool. I am suggesting that hitting a plateau is a good time to reflect on Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;"
A plateau may be a time to rest and prepare for the next adventure; to plan the next leg of the journey; to celebrate the successes and learn from the "failures". Of course, once you've done that, then you need to start moving again toward your goal. And while you are on that plateau, it is a good idea to remember, "You have as much right to your dreams as does any other person." ~ Marianne Williamson from A Course in Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever
General, My weight loss
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Silence is deadly,
never any noise.
Kills all emotion,
affectionate and wise.
Death stalks the house.
Words a mortal sin.
Murder by silence,
death a sublime win.
General, Love & life
Thursday, March 03, 2011
A Meme is a discussion amongst blogs. AIAM was started by besusan and she posts the topic for the week each Tuesday. This week we are supposed to write, "... about your NSV's, your lifestyle changes that have enriched your life. Tell us how you have grown as a person. Tell us how you've fallen in love- with you." For more information please go to Collard Greens & Onions
I have dealt with my weight my entire adult life. Food consumed my mind and I had run out of steam when I quit WW in 2007 or 2008. I truly cannot recall which year it was. I remember having had enough of counting this and measuring that although I hadn't measured, weighed or counted anything in months before I quit. After leaving, WW I couldn't face any program and I couldn't deal with being over weight. Things did not get better.
Valerie Bertinelli's success on Jenny Craig inspired me and I joined them in the Spring of 2009. I had some success on the program, but my issues with food became even worse. My relationship with food spiraled out of control with the mantra of buying only that program's food. I stopped using the program in the fall of 2009 and started seeing a nutritionist.
Thanks to the nutritionist I realized that I knew what to eat. It wasn't the food that I was eating that was my problem. Or at least that was not the main issue and by June of 2010, I stopped seeing the nutritionist. She was good and some of her stuff I still reference today, but I still wasn't healing my relationship with food. I was still using it to stuff, cover up, avoid, and deny the real issues.
In August of 2010, I returned to WW. It is the best program for me. I came back knowing that this time I wanted to heal and not just get skinny. This time I am more focused on creating a healthy balanced relationship with food. I am taking the time to learn why I use food as a drug. I feel more successful right now than I have in the last four years. I feel more contented with my progress and I do not weight the least that I ever have or the least that I have weighed in the last four years.
This time has been SLOW. I could lose faster and I have. I just wasn't mentally healthy while I did it which was proven by not keeping it off. For some people, thin may feel better than anything tastes. For other people it may be a simple case of less calories consumed and more calories burned. Those are not my answers or at least not my lasting answers.
I know that I am not yet at my answer, but I am closer than I have ever been. For the first time, I am facing what makes me use food and dealing with the underlying causes of guilt, shame, fear, hurt and anger. All those emotions that "good girls" don't feel. I am dealing with the fact that I have used my size to keep people, including me, away from my sensitive center.
I have learned that I am not so different than other people. I have learned that I am a radical feminist progressive and I am okay with it. I have begun to meet the me that lives inside the barrier I've created with the extra pounds and I am learning that I really like me. I am learning that the pool of rage inside of me isn't what poisoned me. It was my attempts to ignore it through food that poisoned me. Oddly, as I have begun to deal with the underlying rage, the pool has shrunk. I need to "use" food less and wear the mask of happiness less.I have learned to express my frustration and anger in healthy ways rather than eat it all.
So, far this has been the best "diet" of my life and it can only get better as I embrace me more and more each day. Here's to this lifestyle change of freedom and acceptance.
Food, General, My weight loss
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
My goal is to walk across the country virtually which will take at a minimum two years. I am committed and possibly should be committed, too. Come on and join me and walk, dance, run, swim or cycle the 4063 miles. Here's the link to the site Tools to Keep You Active.
You can also join the challenge Virtual Walking Friendship Tour of the U.S.A.
I have now walked a total of 96.7 miles this year and 75.4 this month! Woot and a big shout out to my AP. Today I got 9 AP! I walked over 12,000 steps for 5.78 miles. I did my Rose Bowl circle and ran part of it too. Who am I? No, really I've never run. I've hitch hiked to get back home after "running" with my sister for a block and a half. Can you believe? I would have rather risked my life and safety than run or walked back. I was not the wisest of 20 somethings.
I'm still in Hanover County and I am 11.7 miles to Scotchtown, VA. It appears that Scotchtown is one of Virginia's oldest plantation houses. It was originally granted to Charles Chiswell from Lt. Governor Alexander Spotswood in 1717. The Chiswell family owned the estate until 1770 when it is assumed to have been purchased by Patrick Henry. Yes, the "give me liberty or give me death," Patrick Henry. This was the home that he lived in when he traveled and gave his famous speech in 1775 at St. John's Church in Richmond. He lived here when he was elected the first Governor of Virginia in 1776.
Sadly, Patrick Henry's first wife began showing signs of mental illness during the time the Henry's lived at Scotchtown. Sarah Henry had to be confined in a small basement room at the plantation house and died there in 1775. Little is known about the family's personal time at the plantation and most historians believe that it was the sorrow of Sarah Henry's breakdown that stopped all personal and private domestic accounts during this time.
Patick Henry remarried by 1777, relocated to the Governor's mansion and sold Scotchtown in 1778. Scotchtown was purchased by John Mosby Sheppard in 1801 and his descendants held onto the property until 1958 at which time the property was sold to the Association for the Preservation of Virginia Antiquities (APVA). This means that the Sheppard/Taylor families held onto the property through the Civil War and the Reconstruction period. However, not much is known about the family and how they lived at the property during these times.
Well, we've covered 300 years of history in less than 3500 words!
Happy walking, running, dancing, swimming, zumbaing, shredding or whatever it is that you do for AP. Remember, put on a pedometer and walk more than you normally do if that is all you can fit in for the day. The pedometer allows you to know what you've done and to increase it every day.
Walk on, my friends, walk on!
We Are the Champions, my friends
(this link will take you off the WW site and over to you tube)
And the picture is Freddie Mercury. He was one of my favorite performers of all time. Amazing voice, amazing presence, amazing talent.
Fitness, General, Love & life
Friday, February 25, 2011
Where have you taken your sweet song?
Come back and play me a tune.
I never really cared for the things of this world.
It was the glow of your presence
that filled it with beauty.
By Hafiz (b. 1320 - d. 1389)
A little bit about the poet Hafiz.
-- From The Gift: Poems of Hafiz the Great Sufi Master
Hafiz, whose given name was Shams-ud-din Muhammad, is the most beloved poet of Persia. Born in Shiraz, he lived at about the same time as Chaucer in England and about one hundred years after Rumi. He spent nearly all his life in Shiraz, where he became a famous Sufi master. When he died he was thought to have written an estimated 5,000 poems, of which 500 to 700 have survived. His Divan (collected poems) is a classic in the literature of Sufism. The work of Hafiz became known to the West largely through the efforts of Goethe, whose enthusiasm rubbed off on Ralph Waldo Emerson, who translated Hafiz in the nineteenth century. Hafiz's poems were also admired by such diverse writers as Nietzsche, Pushkin, Turgenev, Carlyle, and Garcia Lorka; even Sherlock Holmes quotes Hafiz in one of the stories by Arthur Conan Doyle. In 1923, Hazrat Inayat Khan, the Indian teacher often credited with bringing Sufism to the West, proclaimed that “the words of Hafiz have won every heart that listens.”
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
This week's AIAM is an interview of each of us! This is based on WW Studio hosted by the multi-talented Jennifer Hudson. Each week on Tuesday besusan posts the topic and then we all discuss! The most fun is hopping around and seeing everyone's response. I love AIAM and here is this week's link to Collard Greens and Onions' topic. Come join the fun, read all the posts and post your own answers too!
What sound do you love? Laughter. Pretty much anyone's laughing makes me laugh and laughing is just plain fun. It relieves stress and releases good hormones to combat the bad hormones released by stress. I love the sound of laughter.
What smell reminds you of childhood? Mud. Weird, huh? The smell of mud reminds me of childhood. It makes me think of being carefree and impulsive.
What's a go-to workout song for you? The Cupid Shuffle and here's the instructions for it Instructional Video and finding the links meant that I had to get up and move my muscle. So much fun.
Who is a favorite author? WHAT? Only one? How can I pick only one? Oh no, there is no way. Okay, I love Jayne Anne Krentz. She also writes as Jayne Castle and Amanda Quick. There is Patricia Briggs and Nalini Singh. There is Jane Austen, Zora Neale Hurston, Shakespeare and Langston Hughes. I love Louis L'Amour and Robert Heinlein and Marianne Williamson. Mark Twain and H.G. Wells and Richard Bach. Although if I could only take one book with me to a desert island, I'd take The Bible. Yes, there is much in it of a moral nature and it is food for the soul, but the stories in The Bible are the absolute best. You'd never get bored with it.
What are some of the lifestyle changes you've made? I measure my food now and I always do it when I am at home. It allows me to "guestimate" better when I eat out. I TRACK everything I eat and drink - no matter what the points are.
If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? I think if money were no object and I could do whatever I wanted, then I would buy a train car in Europe and travel by rail all over Europe, the Middle East, Asia and Russia.
If you could impart one value to your children what would it be? Life is short. Work toward your dreams no matter how far off the result seems. The years will pass whether or not you are moving toward your heart's desire and so you might as well move toward the dream whatever your dream may be.
What have you gained on this journey? Friends and support from this site.
Beyond the weight what have you lost? The fear that I will stall out again and leave again. I am here.
What kept you going forward when it was easier to quit? It hasn't been easier to quit yet. I've had meals and days when I didn't make the best use of my points, but for some reason I've been more accepting of those moments this time. Hmm, I guess what has kept me going this time when it would have been easier to quit is that this time I haven't been working toward perfect. I've been okay with as good as I can at this moment.
When you go for your WW photo shoot, what will be your dream outfit? Well, I think I am going to pick my birthday suit. Did any of you see that show Carson Kressley hosted called How to Look Good Naked? At the end of each show, the woman had a photo shoot naked. The show never encouraged participants to undergo cosmetic surgery or lose weight. It encouraged the participants to see their beauty as it already existed. What I want is to be that accepting of my body to be able to see it naked and love it. It is part of what I am working on this time around -
a truer body image.
Hmm, I guess it won't be for WW (wink). Pretty sure WW isn't going to want the notoriety of nude after shots and I have to be honest there aren't any nude before shots!
Fun, General, Love & life