Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Like everyone else in the free world I’ve been reflecting 2009 and thinking about what’s to come in 2010. This morning I pulled up my WW journal and weight tracker and looked at what I’ve truly accomplished since joining WW. I tend to focus on my struggles and my setbacks, so looking at 2009 it was a surprise to realize that every month I’ve either had a NSV, met a personal goal or a milestone. That's every month…even the month’s I’ve had a struggle! Plus for the first time I'm not looking back at the passing year thinking "I should have..." but thinking instead "Wow, I've done...."
In 2009 I actually stuck with a weight loss program longer than 3 months. This is a HUGE GOAL for me. Not only have I stuck with it but I don’t see it as a “diet” and I am looking at this as a forever life change. I’ve started to be active more, work out, and actually walk to destinations. I stopped looking for the largest walk path between tables/chairs so I’d fit. I actually just park! Not circle the parking lot 15 minutes looking for a closer parking spot. I get on the bus and actually sit down without searching for a seat that’s on an empty row or next to a super skinny person so I can take up a few inches of their seat. And I'm done with passing up opportunities because of my weight. I’ve accepted that my WL program isn’t the same as others and I can’t judge myself against marathon runners, super fast losers, or flexible yoga folks. I’m doing more than I ever have and it’s at my own pace. Next year I’ll have my own marathon and yoga opportunities; but for now I can look at what I’ve achieved and be proud.
What does 2010 hold for me? On-going program perseverance, many more great milestones & NSVs to come. I want to walk a ½ marathon. I’m realistic I don’t see me running (yet) but I know I can walk it and I will. I want to remain positive (both in my personal life and my WW goals). For the first time I’m not making a single New Year Resolutions. Instead I am focusing on my commitment to my new life and to continue to succeed in making my life changes. I know by staying on track with my program all the other self-improvements I want will come automatically just by being OP. For example, last year #1 was to lose weight, followed by #2 work out more, #3 enjoy life more, #4 learn something new, and #5 to spend more time with family & friends. Now almost a year later, I know that by staying on program with WW I’ll automatically get #1 and #2 and by sticking with it the rest will fall into place. It makes sense. I’m at a lower weight, healthier, and more active. I’ll be able to not allow my weight hinder me and I will be able to enjoy the things I’ve been hiding from. I’ll be able to learn something new without the fear of my weight stopping me. 2009 I actually tried something new - Salsa classes, 2010 it’s going to be something different….Spinning or maybe Bodycombat?!?! I know I can do it look how far I’ve come.
Family, Fun, General, Health, Love & life, My weight loss
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I'm a huge Christmas music nerd...I love them all. So in celebration of the holiday I decided to sing my own version of the 12 Days of Christmas, accurate WW style.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Fat Chick gave to herself….
Twelve 5 pound stars,
Eleven shocked family members,
Ten % goal - twice,
Nine months of program perseverance,
Eight bags of donated clothes,
Seven miles walked in one day,
Six years added back to my life (so far),
Five K walks,
Four smaller pant sizes
Three rings that are too big
Two less chins,
And a Whole New Me!
I know many will be away for the next few days and I wanted to make sure and wish everybody a Merry Christmas/Happy Holiday/Chanukkah/Kwanzaa/You name it!!!
Family, Friends, Fun, General, Health, Lose For Good, My weight loss
Thursday, December 17, 2009
I feel like I've been riding rollercoasters all week...and the week isn't even over yet! I go to having personal victories, scale victories, triumph over stress ...basically such good "atta-boys" then botch my program for absolutely no reason other than I was standing next to the chocolate. It makes no sense!
For example, this has been such a very personal stress week. Monday I had a wonderful business Christmas lunch and made great eating choices. Staying OP was a great feeling. Then after lunch I went to the doctor for my baseline mammogram. After a kajillion images, ultra sound, bioposy, and extremely stressful 2 days of waiting (had good news at least!) I had enough and called hubby saying "we are going for margaritas and queso!"; but by the time I got home I realized what I was doing and we stayed home and I was able to stay OP. Extreme stress and I stayed on track and didn't revert to old behavior. Plus you add the fact that for the past two weeks I've stayed away from all the office goodies, food gifts, and holiday cookies. Yea me, right? Yet, as I am going through some old work archived boxes (and I am working next to all the chocolate) every time I walked by I grabbed a piece! And I knew it, and I tried to justify it. I'm active, with moving all these boxes and all the hall walking I'm doing....then snitch another piece. I wish I knew why I do this and how can something so stressful be easy to stay OP and something so casual be harder.
Food, General, Health, Love & life, My weight loss
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I know your thinking, Fat Chick never calls. She never writes! To be honest I’ve been in a funk lately. Nothing bad, but nothing I really can point at and say “that’s why”. My WL is at a snail pace (my own fault for the sketchy journaling) but things are otherwise going smoothly so what’s up? To be honest, I feel fat. Yes, I know I “am” fat, but I feel it and while I’m still shedding my weight that fat feeling seems to affect my internal Wonder Woman. I had a good WI yesterday (-1.2) and still had that fat feeling afterwards!
I know everybody at WW is different; personally I carry most of my weight in my tummy. And unlike most, I’m not very nice to it. I slap it and watch it wave back, poke at it like it’s a dough boy, call it names, wonder how big of a piece of fruit I can stick in my belly button (trust me only a true fatty understands the weird fat crater around the belly button), I even squish it together and make it look like a butt. Yea I’m juvenile I know but I really don’t like it and I guess I think if I make it feel bad enough it will hurry up and go away. I think my funk has to do with the fact while I was picking up my stomach and letting it drop back down I noticed how much lower my belly button was and how my stomach has dropped. It’s hard to explain but the best way to describe it is as if I’ve lost the fat that’s closest to the muscle and the outer fat and skin now have this gap and nothing is holding it tight so it drops down. I already know I’ll have loose skin but I think I’ve come too realized exactly how bad it will be and I’m terrified. I hate how I have to scrub the underside of my skin because it’s starting to fold onto itself (I now know what they mean by “apron fat”). I’m afraid my husband will have to move all the skin aside to find my lady parts as if it’s a scavenger hunt. As I look at myself I notice how everything droops more, jiggles a heck of a lot more, and I spread out more...but I'm losing weight so shouldn't it be better...not worse?!?!
How can I start being nice to myself? Start to truly accept what will happen? I know it’s easier to hide loose skin than fat and I know Spanx will be my friend. But what when it’s just me in the tub, or getting dressed, I can’t hide from myself and I can’t disguise it while in the buff. I need a mental overhaul and I need to remind myself that I can’t compare my current body and its current weight to past times I was at the same weight. I’ve done a lot of damage physically to my body and of course it’s not going to look like it did 20 years ago when I was at this weight. And I’m going to have to start treating my body with love and respect if I want to accept myself as I am…droopy stomach and all.
PS - Thanks y'all. FYI, I am doing weight training 3 x a week and I know with any training you are toning the muscle underneath and I can see a difference (especially in my arms...muscle above...hanging flab underneath). I just gained my weight so fast my doctor said up front it may retract a little but given my stretch marks my skin I'll need surgical help.
General, Health, Love & life, My weight loss