Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The downside to my new life is that everything is new.
New is scary. New is nerve-wracking. New is feeling anxious all the time, second-guessing yourself, worrying if you're doing everything right. New is adjusting to a new routine and finding time to fit it all in, and worrying about the next item on your to-do list before you've even finished the one you're on.
As a result, my stomach has been in quite in shambles lately. I've got IBS, (not that the doctor really diagnosed me one way or another a few months ago), and stress not only causes flare ups, but the flare ups add to my worry, creating an endless worry and pooping cycle. TMI? Maybe. But it happens.
So, I've been going...a lot. And my tummy never feels settled, and usually right after I eat, I have to go. This doesn't lend well to:
a. being in meetings all day
b. eating because I'll just feel awful after
c. socializing, for fear of having to go when I don't have the resources to do so
It's not fun.
So, this week I got on WebMD (better than most docs I've had) and checked out treatment. First of all, it's not all in my head, which is good to know. I'm not just making myself sick from worrying. Second, they offered up some medications to try. Third, they gave a list of foods to avoid:
Um, hi, but what's left? Lean meat and carbs? I guess veggies, too. I try to steer clear of most carbs. So lean meat and veggies? That's all I get?
So, this week I've been reducing my fruit, caffeine and fake sugar intake. Not banning it completely, but reducing. I still am eating dairy, but pretty much just a slice of cheese on my sandwich and a Greek yogurt. But, it's definitely been a challenge eating this week when so many things I normally eat (fruits and dairy) are not good for me right now. I'm eating things I don't normally eat (pretzels) and larger quantities of things I usually limit (bread, peanut butter).
But, I should say, I'm taking an OTC medicine (a laxative) that kind of equalizes everything going on in the tummy, and today I think I'm finally experiencing some relief. That should also lower my worry level, which can only help. I was worried about taking a laxative because I only associate it with crazies who are trying to lose weight by abusing their colon, but it has surprisingly had the opposite effect. I won't get into too many of the gorey details, but I am feeling a bit better.
So, I have WI tomorrow, and with the sporadic tracking, new-ish foods I'm eating, mixed with frequent trips to the bathroom, it'll be interesting to see what the scale shows.
Not that this is how I want to lose weight. Ick.
Food, Health, My weight loss
Monday, August 22, 2011
This job is a whole different animal. And my life is resultingly, as well.
My former company gave me an amazing send-off two Fridays ago, with lunch at Wildfire, cake and presents afterward. I was astonished and completely humbled. They made my last day perfect.
After my bff's baby shower, where I had more cake, but kept the food reasonable, I had a short weekend until starting my new job on Monday.
Everyone here is really nice, but it's always hard being the new girl. They have nicknames and do happy hours together, and it will take time for me to feel like I fit in, especially since I don't live downtown.
I've been working in Northbrook (suburb) mostly, but had an amazing day downtown on Friday. I can see EVERYTHING from the 36th floor of my downtown office, and got to see the Chicago Air and Water Show practicing all day. The weather was also choice. A-mah-zing.
I'm basically in meetings all day, which is why I haven't had time to check-in and update, or even track. I managed to mostly track through Thursday, but after my 1-lb gain at WI on Thursday, my tracking went away. I tracked today, just for the heck of it. But, all in all, I'm just trying to use my hunger cues and make healthy choices. Having no "forbidden" foods is liberating, and I'm actually more likely to stop when I'm full if I've relished the meal I'm eating. A portion is enough to satisfy me. I had 10 Bucky Badger Honey Wheat Pretzel Twists. It was perfect. Unfortunately, dedicated tracking just isn't happening right now.
Exercising is, mostly. My commute has probably doubled, and I haven't been leaving at 5 p.m. on the dot like I could at my former job. With meetings all day, I just sat down at my desk to check email and it's already 5:30 p.m. So, I haven't been getting home until almost 7. Trying to then motivate myself to do a workout, eat dinner close to 8 and get ready for bed around 8:30 (I'm waking up at 4:30 a.m. now) is rough. It's hard for me to unwind when I workout and eat that late.
That said, I'm already on week 5 of C25K, and feeling alright about it. Last week I decided to make day 3 an easy run, and I'll probably do that with my day 3 run this week (tomorrow). Week 5 is notorious in my book--both times I reached week 5, I injured myself. First, I pulled my groin, and last October, I hurt my back. So, I will not be taking this program as law. I'll be revising it this week, to avoid injury. They don't work in easy runs, and that's a necessity in training (even if it's just a 5K). Clearly I am built...uniquely...and running may be more difficult for me. So I have to just slow down and edit where I see fit. But, besides being sore, I'm feeling pretty good! The improvements from my second injection have been minimal. Again, it just took a bit of the edge off. I've got to get back to core more, and stretching is a must.
Other than work, apartment stuff is taking up my time! I signed my lease last week, and now I'm furniture shopping. IKEA was mobbed on Saturday, but it was fun to look around with my mom and see different ideas for layout for my studio. Short on space, but I've got some cute ideas for organizing furniture, and multi-purposing tables as desks and things. Yay!
I'll be around, but probably not as responsive as I used to be. I've tried to hit up some blogs today, and I'll keep getting around to you all soon. I really do miss this site and the support you all give!
Fitness, Food, Work
Thursday, August 11, 2011
On to better things today! Right?!
I had a great trip to Boston, as I said in my last post (minus bff drama). Seeing any friends from UW always cheers me up, and Paul has always been the big brother I never had. In the span of my birthday night, we talked about everything--catching up since New Year's. Relationships (my failed one with Z, his current w/my other UW friend), my new job, my moving out, his plans and research at MIT and upcoming travels, my desire to meet new people, the possibility of all of us getting together for a Badger football game. Being able to talk to someone was extremely cathartic for me, and all in the setting of the amazing city of Boston.
The East Coast, places like Boston, D.C. and Virginia, always energizes me. I think it's all the history it holds. Either way, I took a trolley tour on Monday, and was able to hit the main sights without getting wet in the scattered storms. I braved the metro system and went to Paul's apartment where we made tacos for dinner. I was truly bummed to leave the next day. But, I truly went out with a bang for my last business trip with USDTL, and I'm content that I decided to stay on this long.
My food choices were less than virtuous, and I didn't care. I made the best choices with the options given, some of the time. Other times, I ate some fries and definitely indulged on my birthday. My tracking was sporadic and scattered, as was my exercise. My recent frustration with the plan and the scale is no secret, and I just knew I would now be up to 138 or 139 (shuddering at the thought of 140, but knowing it was entirely possible) after a week of abandon. I tracked everything yesterday, even though the numbers were a moot point.
I didn't want to WI this morning. If three weeks of eating healthy and working out brought on gains, I didn't even want to know what damage a week of so-so health would do.
I weigh .5 less this week.
Someone please explain that because I can't. It makes it hard what to do next. Of course, I'm still in the 137s, so I'm not jumping up and down proclaiming my plateau defeated. But what did I do to result in the previous five gains, and this one loss? I have no explanation. So do I eat more this week? Go back to eating less? Workout less or more? "Too many" fruits and vegetables (although I never think f&v are the problem)? Less carbs?
I guess I'll just go back to the only thing I know well enough to do. Track. Measure. Exercise. GHGs. Water. That's how I've gotten under Goal in the past, so I have to trust that it will work again.
After getting angry yesterday, I realized my stress this year could be leading to subconscious weight gain. Maybe I am eating for comfort without realizing it? Trying to fill so many voids in my life. Maybe my body's cortisol is holding on to weight under stress (not to mention the cortisone being pumped into my back!).
I read through some posts from a year ago. I was stressed, but it was happy stress. I was basically happy besides my normal discontent with my job. Some things don't change.
But some things do. I read my 24th birthday post. I set some goals for this past year. Make a fresh start. Get a new job. Move out. Meet new people.
I made it down to the wire, but I met all of those goals this year. I really can do anything I put my mind to. I have passion, determination and strength. I never gave up. It may have taken an entire year, but I did everything I set out to do.
I want to be happy and healthy. I want to get back to a comfortable weight and fit in my size 4s. Seeing that my persistence has paid off not only makes me sure that I will get there, but that no matter what other struggles come up (no doubt they will) in the future, I can move past those, too. If I want something badly enough, I get it.
25 is going to rock.
Health, Love & life, My weight loss
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Obviously, I’ve never been a person who has wanted to move on, move away from the people and places that I know and love. But right now, today, I have never been more ready to leave it all behind, start with a clean slate and start making decisions for me. This has been building up inside me for too long, and I guess it took a four-part blog post to let it all out. Hopefully, this is the last negative post you’ll hear from me for awhile. I'm ready to be that girl in the picture again. I may have had a couple extra pounds on me, but I want to be that girl, laughing my head off, surrounded by people who love me as is, and me loving life.
Other birthdays, I’ve said this is my year to get my career on track, or this is my year to find a boyfriend or this is my year to be more outgoing.
Well, this year is my year. Period.
My year to do what I want, when I want, with whomever I want. I’m dumping the toxic things in my life and choosing to spend my time more wisely.
Maybe I’ll love my new job so much that I’ll become a workaholic.
Maybe I’ll love my new apartment and living alone that I’ll pass on hanging out with friends for a few weekends.
Maybe I’ll meet great, fun, positive people at work and want to spend time getting to know them.
Maybe I’ll fall in love—not with a boy—but with Chicago and spend every free moment downtown.
Maybe I’ll miss my family so much that I’ll go “home” every weekend.
No matter what happens, I’ll know it was my decision, not because I feel guilt or pressure, or start listening to what I “should” be doing. The only one who decides what I should be doing this year is me.
Because it’s my year.
This is where I say I’ve had enough
No one should ever feel the way that I feel now
A walking open wound
A choking display of bruises
And I don’t believe that I’m getting any better
-Saints and Sailors, Dashboard Confessional
Family, Friends, Love & life
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I had no response for that last text, and I sure wasn’t going to discuss it through texting while I’m at a bar.
-no I don’t think that. I don’t get where this is coming from.
-just worried about you that you seem really depressed. And miss you.
??? I literally had no words anymore. I don’t know how to deal with what she’s saying, and it’s not making any sense. Now she’s worried about me? One text ago she was reaming me out for thinking I’m the only one going through things, and now she’s worried I’m depressed. And she misses me. She has a really freaked out way of showing it. She goes from thinking I’m mad at her, to me being quiet lately, to me being a selfish b!tch, to her being worried that I’m depressed. Oh, and she misses me, and now she’s glad that I’m happy.
-that seemed mad not worried. But anyway, I’m not depressed. I’m actually really happy and excited for my new job and moving.
-well good I’m glad to hear that!
Well, if I wasn’t mad at her before, I am now. I’m mad, hurt and completely confused about what just happened. I’m upset that she had to make my birthday about her. I’m upset that the things I do go unappreciated because now they’re expected. I’m upset that she would even think that I don’t think she’s going through a lot. I’m upset that she tried to manipulate me to get attention or apologies and faked concern for me.
I’m upset that I’ve revolved my life around other people for 25 years, and now that I’ve got a huge change in my life, I don’t receive the same courtesy, support and understanding that I can’t do it all. Like a kicked puppy, no matter how many times I’m disappointed by others, I keep coming back with unwavering forgiveness and love.
Well, I’m done.
I’m angry now. If this were the first and only time this has happened in my life, it would be bearable. But I’m getting it from all angles lately. This just pushed me over the edge. Disappointed by my family and friends, not receiving the love and support I feel that I give on a regular basis. I’m tired of negativity, I’m tired of people making me feel guilty for being happy and I’m tired of living for other people.
At the end of the day, they have their husbands, boyfriends, kids to go home to. At the end of the day, I only have me. They don’t need me like I need them. And maybe my bff is right—not that I am a selfish b!tch—but she made me realize that I should become one. Nobody else organizes their life plans around me, so why should I always be expected to do it for them? All I have is me.
Of course, her baby shower is on Saturday. I would never cause drama, that goes without saying. But I’m not going to be the same Heather that goes out of her way to work in special touches or volunteer to do extra things. There are no MOHs in baby showers. I’m just another attendant.
Friends, Love & life
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
-just felt sad you forgot about our anniversary. Bingo! And therein lies what’s really going on. She’s not worried I’m mad at her, she’s mad at me. She’s not concerned about why I’m quiet lately, she’s **** that I didn’t, what? Write on her Facebook wall “Happy anniversary!” to show everyone what a good friend I am and indulge my narcissistic tendencies?! Look everyone, I’m her best friend and this is why! I remembered her 1st wedding anniversary!
Let me just say, I didn’t forget her anniversary. I was in her freaking wedding for God’s sakes. July 31. I’ll always remember it. In fact, I was already shopping around for a cute present on uncommongoods.com. They have this cute scrapbook where husband and wife write something in this book on every anniversary about the previous year. But yes, on exactly July 31, I didn’t write on her wall or some bull that she apparently thinks I should have done. I also happened to be celebrating my own birthday early that weekend with my family. So yes, specifically texting or writing on her wall slipped my mind for that day, but I didn’t “forget” her anniversary. I even tried to get together with the two of them, but they were moving all weekend. Now, I don’t even feel like getting her that present. It’s not appreciated--it’s expected. That’s carp. How many friends’ anniversaries am I supposed to celebrate? Really?! It’s your marriage. Go out and celebrate the two of you. What do I have to do with it? I was going to do something special and nice, but now I have no desire to, and I don’t appreciate being manipulated into feeling bad that I didn’t do something special. And on my birthday.
-I didn’t forget, I guess I’m just a bad friend then. I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m not going to grovel and apologize and tell her I was going to get her something. I refuse to be manipulated.
-well heather I’m going through a lot too with moving and having a baby and having no money. It’s not just you going through things and that’s what you seem to think.
And there we go folks. That’s my “best friend”. For once in my life, once, I am doing things for me, and she can’t deal with that. She’s not getting enough attention. I have been nothing but supportive and bend over backwards for her all the time. One time, one time, I don’t go the extra mile for her wedding anniversary, and that means I think no one else is busy? She was the one who asked if something was wrong, that I seemed quiet, so I said I’ve been busy. Did I say anything about her life, her choices, or how busy she is? Nope! Don’t remember saying anything about how she’s not going through a lot. She brought it up, and then yells at me when I answer her. When she told me she was pregnant, I was devastated. But all I did was say how happy I was for her, talk non-stop about her pregnancy and baby, and even sent her a congrats on being a soon-to-be mommy card. I did everything, everything, for her wedding. None of the bridesmaids pitched in. Did I freak out that she hasn’t even congratulated me on my new job yet? No. All she did was guilt trip me for moving away. She hasn’t even said congrats. Did I pick a fight about it? No. Did I pick a fight that they were moving the weekend I was celebrating my birthday at home, and they couldn’t come out? No. All I do is understand that other people have lives, but apparently all I think about is myself in her opinion. Like how I had the nerve to book my family vacation the week that she was due. Sorry, but they’re my family, we planned it before you accidentally got pregnant, and I’m not going to be in the freaking delivery with you. Whether I’m in Illinois or Florida, you’ll still just call to tell me you had the baby. What does my location have to do with it? But yeah, I guess that’s because all I think about is myself. Why don’t you send me a handbook to being your friend so I know how to avoid making you **** at me? Then we can also compare and see how many of those things you do for me.
Friends, Love & life
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I'm back from Boston! My last business trip with my company. I am so relieved to be putting an end to the work trips. I won't miss my routine being messed up, living out of a suitcase for months at a time, eating out at every meal, having my body scr3wed up from time changes, flying and germs.
As usual, I'm cranky, tired and emotional post-trip. And fat.
I had a great birthday on Saturday. My friend Paul took me out, and we had such a great time even though it wasn't a huge shindig. We grabbed drinks in Beacon Hill, dinner at fancy Toscano (I won't make you jealous and tell you what I ate) and then went to Ned Devine's Irish Pub for live cover band and more drinks. I had a blast! With all the rough patches I've had recently, I appreciate the amazing gestures of those who are appearing to be my true friends.
But, it seems I'm never allowed to be happy for very long until someone important in my life shoots me down.
-------------------------------Please feel free to skip following drama. This is more for me to get out than for all of you, and you’ll likely get bored. I just have to get this off my chest since I've been stewing---------------
My bff decided to create drama where there wasn't any, through text messages of all things, and on my birthday, while I'm out with Paul. I felt she was picking a fight, out of nowhere, to
a. get attention (because apparently I'm not even allowed to have one day a year when it's actually about me) and
b. to get revenge on me for "forgetting" her 1st wedding anniversary.
First of all, I get it. She's pregnant and hormonal. She's going to take things personally I guess? But then I feel like it's no excuse to treat me so rudely, regardless of it being my birthday.
So it apparently started because I didn't respond immediately to her "happy birthday" text. I was also traveling, flying and working that day and didn't have time to respond to all my happy birthdays yet. I'm sorry, but she's almost known for never answering texts or calls, so why don't I get a break when I can't respond right away?
Since I didn't respond, she decides to make it about her, oh I see how it is, that I responded to her husband and not her.
Then, Is something wrong?, she asks. Of course, I'm at a loud bar with Paul and haven't heard my phone at all. So now I check my phone and have major damage control to do. On my birthday, I have to worry about my bff being mad at me.
No, sorry I'm out right now, I said, and go back to dancing and having fun, hoping I extinguished the igniting sparks of a fight.
Oh, just seems like lately you're mad at me or something. Really? You want to have this convo on my birthday through texts? And when there's nothing even going on? Just to create drama for drama's sake? Well, if I wasn't mad before, now I'm kinda getting there.
-Why? What did I do? I honestly have no clue what she's talking about.
-Nothing specific. Just have been really quiet lately. Ah, fake concern. I know it well.
So, quiet=mad? And quiet compared to what? I'm sorry if I have been going non-stop for what seems like all of 2011. And now with my job change, I've had interviews, meetings, doctors appointments and injections, regular work and blog to run, apartment viewings, exercise/weight loss, business trips and my birthday. Not to mention the emotionally draining experience of switching jobs, with unsupportive family and friends (including her), breaking the news to co-workers, and the taxing, draining thoughts of, am I making the right decision? That was just the last month. So yes, I’ve been quiet because I don’t have room for everything in my brain.
And now I try and quickly explain that.
-well I’ve got a lot going on in my life right now with the job change and finding a place to live. Plain and simple, right? Nope. Wrong answer, apparently.
Friends, Love & life, Work
Thursday, August 04, 2011
The result of not being so strict with my food choices? Gained .3 lbs at WI.
1. I find it funny that working in more indulgences, not focusing so much on APs and a strict schedule and celebrating my birthday led to the same result as when I'm hardcore, in the middle of a challenge.
2. I find it disconcerting that working in more indulgences, not focusing so much on APs and a strict schedule and celebrating my birthday led to the same result as when I'm hardcore, in the middle of a challenge.
Look, I could say it's only .3 lbs--shake it off, if it wasn't already preceeded by four straight gains. This week makes five. Something has to be going on if my legit OP weeks are leading to gains. 1.7 lbs since Fourth of July leads to 5 lbs by Thanksgiving, and once the holidays hit, shizz gets crazy.
Here are some thoughts:
1. "Starvation mode" is a load of bull--I ate more this week, and I still gained. I thought maybe I've been too strict. Nope. I've always been skeptical that when you eat too little, you gain (then why are anorexics so skinny? NOT saying I want to be anorexic or that it's a good thing to starve yourself, but I don't see how you gain or stop losing weight when you eat too little. It's all about calories in, calories out). And now I think I believe it even less. I get why WW makes the daily target and all that. I'm just rethinking my post-injection Frosty now :(
2. Muscle gain--I've been lifting more weight that I have in a long time, so I could actually be gaining muscle. But then, why isn't the fat dropping off? My pants aren't any looser.
3. BC pill--Just a theory, but maybe I'm not losing because of the pill. Only way to know is to stop it though, and I don't know if I want to risk getting TOM every three weeks again. I guess it's worth a shot? I won't be traveling anymore, so maybe my cycle won't be so messed up.
4. It's just a good ol' fashioned plateau (except I'm gaining a few ounces every week)--the most likely culprit of the three.
What does that mean? You have to keep doing it. Every day. Keep tracking. Keep exercising. Keep making healthy choices. This has happened to me before, and it'll probably happen again.
So, after my disappointing WI, I went back to the basics. I measured everything. I know I'm in Boston Sat-Tues, but I can at least be 100% sure about the PPs values of what I'm eating at home. I'm going to focus on GHGs, water, APs...all that jazz. I can't gain anymore weight on this trip! I just can't. I feel very helpless and powerless right now. Something has hijacked my scale, and I just can't get it to stop going up. My clothes are still on the border of too tight, since way back in April while traveling. I've managed to lose two of those pounds, but that's just barely back in size 4 territory. If I keep gaining at this rate, they won't fit for much longer.
Ugh. Now I'm rambling about all my scale fears.
What else does a plateau mean? You have to count the NSVs even more than the scale.
I went to Mat Ballet last night. I originally went to the wrong building and couldn't find the studio. I was going to use this as an excuse to go home. But, I drove past the right building, and decided to go in. There were a few girls sitting waiting, and then a few more women showed up, and a couple already knew each other or had a buddy with them. I was getting nervous (like I wasn't already). But then the instructor, Cassie, came out and introduced herself to each person and was so excited that there were so many new people there (but not in an annoying perky way). Cassie was Rock. Solid. Her tush wouldn't quit. And now I know why. Mat Ballet was difficult, but pretty fun! We did a lot of pointing toes and leg lifts lying on the mat, and once we learned them, we stood and did them. My calves and shins (and butt and groin) will be screaming in 24 hours. At the end we did some floor work and turns. I had a really great time, and 75 min went by fast! I guess I'm a ballerina now!
So take that, scale!
Fitness, Food, My weight loss
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Yesterday was one of my bad IBS days, so I'm sure I'm lighter on the scale. I wouldn't know, though, because I haven't hopped on the scale since WI last week. As part of my mental break this week, I've stopped scale hopping. I never used to do it and was even a huge proponent against it. Now I remember why. You over analyze every bite or AP. Truth is, our bodies fluctuate for a number of reason, and thinking that I have it figured out is completely ridiculous. It'll only drive me crazy. If I weigh 130 on Monday, it doesn't matter. I need my WI number to be something other than 137 for me to know that the scale is actually moving, rather than arbitrary fluctuations within the week. Big picture--that's what matters.
I looked at another apartment yesterday. I liked it more than the first because it's essentially the same price as the first, but renovated and bigger. Only downside is, it's a 15 min drive to the train station, instead of within walking distance. That said, walking also takes time, so would I rather spend 15 min walking in all the shizzly Chicago weather (heat/humidity/thunderstorms in summer and blizzards/below zero temps in winter) or in the comfort of my car? But then I do have to worry about parking at the station and more of a gas budget. Sigh. I hate deciding what my priorities are. I want it all! But I know it doesn't exist. So, I'm basically going to have to decide between great location/really expensive/tiny/sort of worn down or renovated/kept up/more space/cheaper/further from train. Now I remember why I've lived at home the past three years. You can't have everything. But, I did feel more excited looking at the nicer place, and I think I'd be willing to be further away from the Metra if it means being happy and cozy at home. (Eep! Home!)
Anyway, after the viewing, I was really strapped on time, but I still had to do weights (only upper body, I am still so sore from Sunday's workout), week 3 of C25K and core work. I basically did a shortened version of each--15 min of upper body weights, week 3 with a shorter warm-up/cool down and 5 min of core. I still didn't get home until after 8 from the gym, and had pizza for dinner. I didn't feel stuffed, but it's still probably more PPs than I tracked. Whatever. It was a delicious veggie pizza and I didn't overeat. Win!
Today I'm not sure what workout I want to do. After double duty yesterday, I don't want to do either weights or run, but maybe I should do both again since my injection tomorrow leaves me with a DOR. Or, I could start using my Groupon and head to a Mat Ballet class at InnerPeace Pilates. Ballet scares me even more than pilates. Laura (lauratidenberg) asked me why I was scared today. I actually wrote about it last week in my RL blog. Adding ballet moves to that puts me in freak out mode. I am the opposite of a ballet dancer. Amazon, not petite. Clumsy, not graceful. Stiff, not bendy. I'm pretty sure I'd get laughed out of the studio, or worse, pitied or put down because I'm not "in shape" (at least not in that way). At least that's what goes on in my brain. Always being judged. The class is at 7 tonight, and the next class I could logistically make would be Tuesday night Pilates Mat after flying home from Boston. I'd be more comfortable starting with that, but maybe I should just jump in? Ugh. Get over yourself, Heather!
So tomorrow's WI and my injection, and therefore fasting all day. It's not pretty. But, I've already decided not to eat two packs of Teddy Grahams and two cranberry juices at the hospital and then a small Frosty, 10-piece chicken nuggets and small fries after. A junior Frosty will do just fine :)
Fitness, Love & life, My weight loss
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
You know that WW mental health day I took on Thursday? Well, it's kind of turned into a mental health week. And this time, it did involve a DQ Blizzard.
I've been feeling so fed up lately--increasing my earned APs, cutting out more carbs, adding in core and stretching for my back, using less WPs. And I'm not getting anywhere...well, anywhere but further from Goal. I know 1.4 lbs isn't much to get all bent out of shape over, but when you have less to lose, every pound is a struggle. Granted, that could be one BM away from a big loss, but after a month, it doesn't seem like it's coming.
So, I decided this week I wouldn't be so strict, wouldn't take it so seriously. Obviously, being super hardcore wasn't getting me to my 25 star by my 25 birthday, so why deprive myself during my early celebrations?
Now, again, I must say, I'm not "off" plan or throwing in the towel. I'm still tracking every bite. I'm still working out when I see fit. I'm still making healthy choices. But, I'm also not concerned with cutting everything out of my life. If I wanted it this week, I likely had it.
Friday night's dinner was out at a local Italian joint--a little bread and olive oil, wine and cheese ravioli. My mom had a colonoscopy that day, and therefore had been fasting for two days. Naturally, we went for DQ Blizzards after dinner. I had a cookie dough mini-Blizzard, but only ate 3/4 of it because I felt they gypped me out of cookie dough chunks.
On Saturday, my mom and I went shopping all day to look for some new, nice blazers for my new job as her b-day present to me. I didn't find much. We went for lunch at California Pizza Kitchen to regroup, where I got my new fave Moroccan Chicken Salad without avocado.
Dinner was at Wildfire, a really nice steakhouse, with my parents and grandparents for my birthday dinner. I got a red wine flight (servings were HUGE for a flight, but I had help and still didn't finish them all), spinach salad, and their shortribs (a-MAH-zing!) and creamed spinach. The only thing I finished was the salad. Everything else I took home. So while I ordered exactly what I wanted regardless of PPs, I had a little of everything and didn't go overboard. Grandma had a strawberry shortcake torte from Jewel for me (if you're in the Chicago area and haven't tried this cake from Jewel's bakery...DON'T! It's too good), and I had a small slice. It's my birthday after all! I'm gonna have cake.
So yeah, I dipped into my activity points after the weekend already. I'm not too upset about it. Is it ideal? No. But it was a conscious decision, so I can't beat myself up about it.
Truth is, I have a feeling I'll lose this week. Only because it would make absolutely zero sense, and that's how the plan has been working for me lately. If I do gain, well it's no different than the last four weeks, and at least I had fun while gaining instead of busting my ace and getting further away from where I want to be.
Otherwise, life is alright. My legs are so sore from weights on Sunday, and I don't know how I'm going to start week 3 of C25K today. Injection has been postponed to Thurs because a receptionist doesn't know how to do her job. Wrong doc on Tues. Ugh. I went to an apartment showing yesterday, so I'm getting excited about my pending move. I still have a couple places to look at, but this location would be perfect. My sister got some bad news this weekend that two of her friends were in a motorcycle accident. One only has a broken wrist, but the other was taken off life support this week because of no brain activity. I've only met them a couple times when I visited my sister when she was living in Indy for a couple years, but they were all nice, and he was far too young to pass away. It is an extremely sad situation, and it reminded me of a friend who was killed in a car accident while studying abroad in South Africa. Too young, and such a tragedy. Just a reminder that you and the ones you love can be taken away at any time.
Eating out, Love & life, My weight loss