Step Away from the Toaster Strudel . . .

Written by julierae233223 on 6/5/2010 1:22 PM | COMMENTS (13)

Yesterday was about as insighful as it goes for me. I read and reread my blog and while it may have appeared I wanted to go lie down on train tracks, I assure you I did not. My biggest problem was that I was afraid if I put faith in myself, if I told myself yes, this time you can do it...I would just fail and then it might be another 2 years before I start again. I can't really afford another 2 years at this weight. I weight 296 pounds. Yikes. Yesterday I was giving myself permission to fail so that I didn't feel like such a failure. Make sense? Probably not, but it's a little game I play with myself. I think that's why I haven't told anyone (except for my bff) that I joined WW. I guess I feel like I need to get to the point where I believe in myself before I "ask" anyone else to believe in me.

The outpouring of friend requests, supportive comments and just general acceptance here makes me feel like quite possibly I can do this. I'm not ready to say I can yet, but I'm working on it. I still hear that voice in my head that says "this is just like all your other attempts". I guess for now that's ok. One of these days a light bulb will go off and I'll feel better about all this and maybe just maybe I'll succeed this time. We'll see.

I think the first thing I have to do is change my idea of success. I want to get down to a reasonable 160. I remember looking pretty good at that weight. But the idea of losing 136 pounds is so completely overwhelming I don't even know where to begin. However, I think I can safely begin with 5 pounds. So for my purposes right now all I have to lose is 5 pounds. No one will be able to tell, I won't even know unless I step on a scale, but 5 pounds is what I want to lose. Not a pound more, not yet.

I lost 1 pound this week and that was completely without trying and after a substantial binge yesterday. But I tracked every last bit of it. Instead of beating myself up for the binge, I high fived myself for tracking. That in itself was just shy of a miracle. So today, I will track. Everything. Right now I'm going to go measure my Total cereal, my wheat toast and figure out if it's possible to eye ball a teaspoon of butter. Ya, this is possible. Well atleast I think it is. :-)

Categories: My weight loss

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  • Post Image cricket1014 (amy)

    6/7/2010 1:54 AM
    Your doubts and fear of failure resonate with so many here in this community. This is a process. I have each week had to peel layers away like an onion. Some is sweet and yummy and some brings tears. As long as you are putting one foot in front of the other you will be successful. It will be hard at times, but we really are just a click away. I know you can do this!

  • Post Image liki1974 (leigh)

    6/6/2010 12:51 AM
    Great job girl! track... track... track... :D *high five*

  • Post Image scoutmaster&bird-dog (linnea)

    6/5/2010 10:58 PM
    Yep, you eat an elephant one bite at a time, and you've chewed and swallowed the first bite. I go in five pound increments as well! Kudos for tracking!!!!

  • Post Image daniel170 (dan)

    6/5/2010 8:05 PM
    Julie, please don't wait for light bulbs. Just do it. WW's has a very effective program. Just like AA, WW is done one day at a time, no.....on snack at a time. Believe me, I have been where you are, looking at Mt. Everest and saying, "I can't possibly get there." But you can do WW program one day at a time. I am 3.8 lbs from losing 100 lbs. It can be done. Not quickly. Not at all quickly. Be patient. PERSEVERENCE IS THE ONLY THING THAT GUARANTEES SUCCESS. NEVER EVER Quit.

  • Post Image jmullins3

    6/5/2010 7:18 PM
    LOL! Personally I have to measure the teaspoon of butter. I think 5 lbs to begin with is a very reasonable goal. It's also reachable. Some of us have a goal of loosing 1 lb per week. Every new week, after WI, that's the first thing I say to myself. 1 lb this week!!! As for as how much weight you have to loose, there's a guy here who's lost 130 lbs in 12 months. He thinks he'll reach his goal weight Christmas of this year. He's pretty inspiring. I'll send you his Blog address. ~Joyce

  • Post Image i'mrinkydink (carol)

    6/5/2010 6:15 PM
    Julie, the most important change in perspective for me was when I realized that I needed to change my habits for life. That was the moment that I realized that I was not on a "diet," which has the implications that it is temporary! I have learned that this IS possible to do this for the rest of my life. As any other aspect of life, there are ups and downs, but we can weather the storms and revel in our successes. There are genuine people here.... ready to help each other along the way.

  • Post Image citydwellers

    6/5/2010 3:51 PM
    OMG Julie you are so where I was for YEARS!!! You are making great progress with thinking about a 5 pound loss. Looking at the big picture for me anyway was far to daunting. Baby steps, darlin', baby steps. Tracking is one key and you are moving towards making that a habit. Awesome, awesome and triple awesome. Can't wait to "visit" again. You can tackle this!!! We will simple give you some of our hope until you find your own, deal?

  • Post Image meluvc00kie

    6/5/2010 3:21 PM
    Today I find myself smiling as I read your blog. Yesterday my heart just ached for you and the pain that I sensed. I'm SO happy that you're tackling this. Going at 5lb increments is a wonderful idea. You're doing it girl! You've got a plan, you're tracking, and you're on the right path. So happy that I can be along for the ride! :)

  • Post Image kcsgram1 (deborah)

    6/5/2010 2:58 PM
    WTG girl--and someone will always be here--I have friends who have lost 100 lbs, 100+ lbs and have more to lose--we just get up every day and put one foot in front of the other--and really, that's what life is all about, isn't it--we just prop a friend up when he or she needs it and then lean on someone when we need it--I love this online community--I'm doing it and you CAN do it too--tracking is the best way to start, I think=^)

  • Post Image groopsoop (michael)

    6/5/2010 2:13 PM
    You GO girl! And don't forget....feel free to reach out to add me to your friend list.

  • Post Image sampalmer52

    6/5/2010 2:08 PM
    A step in the right direction! Have you looked at what some of us weighed when we started? There is a blog group of WWers who all have over 100 lbs to loose. You are not alone! We all have fallen off track once in a while, but we encourage ea other to pick ourselves up, and start a new day. No one is perfect. Imagine what you might look like next summer? There are no pills or magic wands, it's touch sometimes, but you can do it!

  • Post Image pamcn666

    6/5/2010 1:34 PM
    I high-five you for tracking too. Like JRJAXSPER said... think small goals. If 5lb seems to much, think 2lbs. Set small goals that are attainable and then soon you will be hitting 10lbs., etc. You will see. CONGRATS on the 1lb. weight loss... WTG!!!! Keep it up... You can do this :)

  • Post Image jrjaxsper (jacqueline)

    6/5/2010 1:29 PM
    I think you've got a GREAT idea with starting with 5 pounds. Don't even think about losing 136 pounds. Start by just doing the program. If you don't believe in yourself, do it anyway until you do. Little successes lead to big motivation. Happy to be here with you on "the journey"!


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